If, and Only If

 ‘If this person you like met you before their last relationship happened, they might like you and things are likely to work out differently between you and this person. But before you met this person, they had gave their heart to someone else. We are late, too late to come into the picture that you wished it was you who would be able to know them first. They had their heart set on someone else before they met you.’ How would it be possible for them to give you what they had already given away? They probably think they have nothing left within them, and there is nothing more they can give. So what you see from them is the only thing you may ever get. All you can do is to be there as a friend, and only a platonic friend. There must not be selfish thoughts or anything more, or less chosen with intent self-inflicted pain.

It is a known fact that movies are an exaggerating version of life. Emma Donoghue wrote, “Sometimes when person says “definitely” it sound actually less true”, meaning sometimes the more you emphasize or want to prove a point, the more unreal it would seem. At other times, stories tell a different kind of truth. It could be the kind of truth based on one’s opinion and it could also be part of the truth which the person wants you to know.

Artists use frauds to make human beings seems more wonderful than they really are. Dancers show us human beings who move much more gracefully than human beings really move. Films and books and plays show us people talking much more entertainingly than people really talk, make paltry human enterprises seem important. Singers and musicians show us human beings making sounds far more lovely than human beings really make. Architects give us temples in which something marvelous is obviously going on. Actually, practically nothing is going on.

– Kurt Vonnegut, Wampeters, Foma and Granfalloons (1974)

We grow up watching movies that teach us how love, people or the world is like, and that raises peoples’ perception of what they know, see, and learn from movies throughout their lifetime. That is also why people often come across disappointments in life, because you would constantly be under the delusional aspect of expecting slightly-more or till the extent almost too much from a person. Disappointment is someone I avoid at all times. Don’t we all feel the same for them? It often seem to lie between two decisions, whether you should be brave to do what you want to do or continue to be afraid and slowly deal with fear. Hence, many times we thought to ourselves, thinking if things would have happened differently if we have made our decision otherwise instead of the action we took.

That is if, and only if.

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9 Things You Shouldn’t Do To People You Like (From a Girl’s Perspective)

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Boy meets girl under a circumstances, girl has no interest in him. Boy texts/calls girl every now and then, but nine out of ten times girl didn’t pick up, otherwise girl will take her time to reply. However, the reason girl rarely reply boy was because of his nonsensical talk. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense, and sometimes, boy tried to be funny. To summarise, boy tried too hard to impress girl.

These are always easier said than done. I am no love expert, but based on my friends’ past verbal complains, these are the results I have accumulated. Hence, these are what I think you should avoid doing to people you like when it is one-sided and unrequited from a girl’s perspective.

1. Do not tell her that you ‘like her directly’ or ‘want to learn how to pick up girls when you actually mean her indirectly’

Is this a confession? If not, do not tell her that you like her so abruptly! Not unless she questions you out of curiosity. But even so, you could always deny (based on my one and only experience, it is best to deny).

Aside from that, it is a no-no. I mean seriously? It sounds like you’re desperate and girls will get turn off by that. If she was given a close-ended question, she will most likely turn you down or come out with a lame excuse or two of why she couldn’t accept you. It is the most awkward way of confessing I’ve ever seen. Any girl who got that would probably start avoiding you from then on. You want a more obvious hint than that?

facepalm

2. Do not spam calls and text messages

a) It’s just plain annoying. b) You will scare her off. c) You can text, but please don’t say nonsensical things or keep meaningless topics going on and on. d) Don’t tell her lame jokes of yours that could only make yourself laugh while leaving her speechless. e) If she wasn’t responsive, then you should prolly stop messaging/bugging her.

3. Do not behave and react weirdly out of the blue for no reason

In another words, don’t do things just for the sake of doing, or things that makes no sense to the people you like. Many times, people do certain things just for the sake of doing, thinking that it is for the sake of the other party. Good intention, but nay. You sure that wouldn’t become an emotional burden to them? There are times whereby you do certain things because you feel that is the thing you should do when you like someone. How could you tell for sure that they will like whatever you do? If they do not feel the same as you, they’d probably feel obligated to accept what you did for them, and that’s just selfish.

facepalm

4. Don’t compromise to them all the time

Please note that I said, not-all-the-time. Meaning once or twice, depending on situation, is fine. Not everyone knows how to appreciate the things that you have done. Some people may take your presence for granted. So you have to stop making assumptions on your side and don’t pressurise them. Let things take course naturally.

5. Do not shower them with gifts

To me, significantly on certain festive seasons or occasions are fine. Be creative with your gifts, it does not have to be expensive or branded products so as to be impressive. Then again, ask yourself, what kind of girls are you going for?

6. Play smart, but don’t act smart

You don’t have to be extremely clever. But who doesn’t like people that are knowledgeable? If you do not know what he/she is talking about, just listen, and be an attentive listener instead of making nonsensical remarks. You can try to be humorous, but don’t make a joke out of yourself. Note: that doesn’t mean you have to keep quiet all the time. Else, reality check; you’re boring.

ImpliedFacepalm

7. No mind (fucking) games

Be sincere. To be honest, I have no idea how this work. All I know is that I don’t want to be drag into such games, and I wouldn’t do this to the one I sincerely have feelings for.

8. Don’t try too hard

I understand that you will want to impress the people you like with all your capabilities and what you have, but don’t try too hard. You might end up feeling that you have made great sacrifices and changes for her, and gradually you will expect her to feel the same for you. If she don’t, you will end up upsetting yourself. And if she likes you, she will reciprocate (someday). Just be yourself.

9. Expectation leads to disappointment

Hold no expectations. I know this is not easy, and trust me, I am learning the art of it as well. But I guess if you truly like this person, you should expect nothing but wish the best for her. I have always believe that something will eventually happen if you two are meant for each other. Do you know the thing about soulmate? That is whatever happens, there will always be this extraordinary energy that somehow pulls you two back together. Hence, no matter what happened they won’t be separated, and even if they do get separated, the energy will still draws them back together like the property of magnetism, the north pole and south pole line of force will always attracts each other.

Like any heart-throbbing love songs, songwriter wrote with their true feelings, passion and heart. Adele wrote Someone Like You after she broken up with her ex, James Blunt’s ex was the reason he wrote You’re Beautiful, and Ryan, he first wrote No Name to a girl who doesn’t know he likes her, and performed in front of 10 million viewers on Britain’s Got Talent. Enjoy.

Ryan O’Shaughnessy – No Name

Every now and then I see a part of you I’ve never seen
Birds can swim and fish can fly, the road is long I wonder why
One of these days you’ll realise what you mean to me, oh
Every now and then I see a part of you I’ve never seen

Every now and then I try to tell you just how I feel
The heavens talk, the rain begins, the sky turns black
Nobody wins

Well I try to talk but I can’t
My soul has turned to steel
This happens every now and then
When I try to tell you just how I feel

So if you ever love somebody
You gotta keep them close
When you lose grip of their body
You’ll be falling

‘Cause I’m falling
Deeper in love, in love [x4]
In love

For Luiz Antonio

Article source from Today, 04/06/2013. Click to enlarge.

TD_04062013_it takes two to be gracious

Often, I feel very disappointed with people. Not because I have expectation of others, but they do not have the basic principles of being humane. The act of pure kindness and being considerate in humanity. There should not be any excuse just because you are living in a city where everybody is busy; rushing to work, occupied with their day to day events, and striving to perform in school or at work. There is no exception living in a country like Singapore, everybody struggle to exceed in this competitive country. Going through everyday lives like this, this video has shed some light, and thankfully, it restored my faith in humanity.

Watch this video: (Select English caption at the bottom right hand corner of the clip.)

Hats off to this kid here.

Now I see hope. For this, I will go meatless for 7 days, starting from today.

Hi, my name is Bond. James Bond.

james-bond-films

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.

– C.S. Lewis

Chatted with a friend of 8 years lately, and out of a sudden, he asked me a question which he has been curious all along. Here, I will name him by his initial, F. We have known each other for more than a lustrum and almost a decade. Both of us rarely talk about our personal problems, and that’s just us, and we are comfortable that way. We exchange our opinions on how we see things, how we are doing lately, catch up a bit here and there, and by that I feel, that’s enough. He said, he wouldn’t dare to ask because he was afraid that by asking this question, he would offend me and he doesn’t want me to feel that way. However, this has been bugging him for quite some time. I will not go into details what he has asked, but I gave him a truthful answer he asked for.

No. My name is not Bond, needless to say James Bond. I do not take my martini shaken nor stirred like Bond does. A friend used this as an example to describe one of my behaviors. One that knows how to be a spy like James Bond, ’cause he is someone who knows everything about his target. Sad to say, the target usually know nothing about Bond aside from his name, and perhaps his code name 007.

Ironically, that led me back to a conversation my friends had during a dinner. One expressed that I am someone who knows everything about others and yet I do not share anything about myself. Frankly speaking, I would have said something, but that would be unnatural like I was being forced to share. And I wouldn’t want any of you to feel that way. Then I wondered, what do you want to know about me? ‘Cause I never feel the need to tell anyone anything about myself. There are times when I do feel the need to rant, but I would just pick a close friend who are available at that point of time. I do not see the need of telling everybody the same thing over and over again, neither to judge people who does that.

Eventually, I answered F, and continued, “you see, I do not see the need to admit, declare or share this with anyone.” I hope you understand.

Small Talk

Small-Talk

Something really awkward happened last Friday. My friends and I were having supper at Simpang Bedok after our late night show around 4am in the morning. What’s awkward was that I bumped into my eye candy (back when I was 15) and they happened to sit right next to our table. Let’s name this person as C, and I will tell you how we met. C was one of my instructor in CO (Chinese Orchestra), and C happened to teach me this instrument I was learning for a period of time. My impression of C was someone of sophistication, talent, quiet, and on a side note, C have a nice smile. The thing is, C still looks the same after all these years. Do you people even aged?!

The last time I saw C was probably in a club 3 years ago. Obviously, I was shocked to see C randomly in the middle of the night of a ghost-town. The good kind of shock. I have to admit that I was astonished. To be honest, I was taken aback by C’s friendliness when C turned over to my direction a few times and asked me a question or two once in awhile. I mean that was nice. Note to self: appreciate every small gesture.

Hundred Little Reasons – Small Talk

Hello, come on in and take your coat off.
Would you like a cup of tea?
With milk and sugar.
How have you been?

I’ve been good, it’s so nice to be here with you.
You look so well, how long has it been?
Since we met up? I don’t know.
it feels like years and the old days.

How’s your lady, how’s your little one?
Are they all well?
Can’t believe she’s grown so big.
nor can I, sorry to say that I must be going.

We really must try to do this more often,
have you got my number?
Send my love to everyone, goodbye

How much is your conscience worth?

About a month ago, 6:45am to be precise, I was thinking about the meaning of the word and its implication. It was so quiet that I could hear the birds chirping away. I remembered reading my friends’ blog that very same night. Just right before I slept, I kind of thought back and reflected on those that were still recurring in my mind. One that kept me thinking about was something Massha has written, she said, “…Do whatever you want – as long as it does not negotiate on your faith & values or put the lives of others into misery”. It got me thinking, probably because I feel bad having to feel pangs of guilt and remorse. I would hate to admit but I think I did and still place a burden on my family. It feel like I am self-condemning some of these major decision I have made for myself seemed like a really wrong idea. I may not be the smartest person on earth, but I can differentiate the difference between right and wrong, what I have to do and what not. Though most of these decisions was just to prove myself. Perhaps, some of you might think that I am selfish. But sometimes sacrifices need to be make in order to achieve something you want badly.

Ex

Right from the start, I blamed your ex.

How could anyone do this to you? Of course, that’s life. Everyone is sad; people gets hurt; they are jaded, and everybody is bruising at one point of time. As your friend, I got agitated, I was annoyed and upset with your ex even though I have never met your ex before. You have never revealed much about your ex. I could imagine every time someone mention your ex or when you talk about your ex, your heart sank and wrenched a little. Still, you tried to put on a strong upfront whenever that happens. And I salute to that. You would not want to share much, maybe you want to keep that secrecy just between the two of you.

I know you, I somewhat know you. You are stubborn just like me. And perhaps to an extent, I’m jealous. Because your ex is the reason of who you are and what you have become now. The ex who shared and have very much of your every first experiences; the ex who taught you everything and who is the reason you hesitate to get close to people. There must be something really precious that you had given it to her, else it wouldn’t leave you scarred, I pondered.

My friend advised that I should stop reminding you that you are stubborn as this might invoke self-fulfilling prophecy. It went through my mind for a few days, and I thought maybe I should really stop doing that. Then again, that is also another thing I like about you. You need to know, that wasn’t what I really mean, and it has never meant to make you negative in anyway.

Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not.

Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

I once read it somewhere, that the purest form of forgive and forget is to let go of your old own and move beyond. Mayhap you should start doing that.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby