If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.
– C.S. Lewis
Chatted with a friend of 8 years lately, and out of a sudden, he asked me a question which he has been curious all along. Here, I will name him by his initial, F. We have known each other for more than a lustrum and almost a decade. Both of us rarely talk about our personal problems, and that’s just us, and we are comfortable that way. We exchange our opinions on how we see things, how we are doing lately, catch up a bit here and there, and by that I feel, that’s enough. He said, he wouldn’t dare to ask because he was afraid that by asking this question, he would offend me and he doesn’t want me to feel that way. However, this has been bugging him for quite some time. I will not go into details what he has asked, but I gave him a truthful answer he asked for.
No. My name is not Bond, needless to say James Bond. I do not take my martini shaken nor stirred like Bond does. A friend used this as an example to describe one of my behaviors. One that knows how to be a spy like James Bond, ’cause he is someone who knows everything about his target. Sad to say, the target usually know nothing about Bond aside from his name, and perhaps his code name 007.
Ironically, that led me back to a conversation my friends had during a dinner. One expressed that I am someone who knows everything about others and yet I do not share anything about myself. Frankly speaking, I would have said something, but that would be unnatural like I was being forced to share. And I wouldn’t want any of you to feel that way. Then I wondered, what do you want to know about me? ‘Cause I never feel the need to tell anyone anything about myself. There are times when I do feel the need to rant, but I would just pick a close friend who are available at that point of time. I do not see the need of telling everybody the same thing over and over again, neither to judge people who does that.
Eventually, I answered F, and continued, “you see, I do not see the need to admit, declare or share this with anyone.” I hope you understand.
APPENDIXM 